My Expt. wid d Valentine day

12:35 am, Date 14th feb, only 3 things are visible, me, my 84mm elixir of life (ciggi offcourse), nd d beer of my choice ‘calsberg!’. I had kept my eyes on computer screen and my ears on my mobile ringtone, “dil to bachha hai jee”. Four consecutive years of college life and no valentine yet, ohh, my brain has rejected to breathe, I am going deep into my dream, dream of her, dream about her, dream for her, let me sleep, more sleep and sleep…..

3:55 am,14th feb, ashes all around, some mosquitoes are enjoying with their valentines amid the smokes (smokes of ma heart!), I checked my mobile, still no messages, re-inserted the SIM, put it on charge (I had charged it only hours before), WTF! I can’t recall anything, am I suffering from amnesia? No I CAN be fine, I am fine, I am an intelligent, smart and (now) settled boy of 21, but still no valentine….I cleared my throats and re-busied my status on gtalk( I usually keep my gtalk status as busy, to pretend and more importantly to convince myself that I am busy nd need no one to chat, share and flirt). Oh its past 4:30, now I should call her for the first (probably last ) time atleast, but she must be sleeping (how pretty she would be looking while sleeping), I must not disturb her, but what if I send her a message, yup that will be right, but what type of…no this one not it has something to do with friendship, I can’t be her friend! Ok, this one will be right, ‘happy V-day’ but what a cliché, wake up mano, u r going to b professional now……let d beer inside u to do the magic, oh where is the match-box???, I need a cigg to catalyse the beer. Ok! I should send her those 3 letters words “I love you”……fuck, I have no balance..yup I had only rs/-80 in my account which I invested in d beer…I should try wid my room-mate’s mobile but he has the network of smart…It will look cheap..koi nahi…let the sun rise, it is whole day still to go, today I will tell her that how much I love her, how much I need her, from tomorrow she will be mine, she should accept me(because I love her).

10:30 am, 14th feb, good morning, what is the score of India playing at eden gardens? Oh what am I asking!!..today is V-day valentine day for them and victory(/victim?) day for me, I will not brush, not eat…till she accepts me but I will bath, I had read in her orkut profile(personal) that she turns off body odour….i will pray to god too, yup I will read the whole ‘SUNDARKAAND’!! today is my day..but why I am reading for BAJRANAGBALI..? I should worship lord KRISHNA…oh I have no chants for him..so what? I will google it, yup here I go..the PDF is downloading, but this one is in English. I am a Brahmin….i can read Sanskrit..karmanye vadhikarste…….nainan chindanti shastrani….

1:30 am . 14th feb, Sunday, today there will be chicken-biryani in the mess, no, I m not going to eat till she accepts me, ohh how much she loves chicken, I will learn to cook chicken and will taste it by her hands!!okk, now I will call her, yup 09430898701 this should be her no…though I had not saved it, how can I, but I still remember it. Wow it is BSNL, mine has also BSNL…see how much our thoughts are alike, wait..what if it will not b her number…No, No..n I cant think beyond that, just dial….dialing…disconnected….whether she had changed her no, no…redial it…YOUR CALL CANT BE COMPLETED…oh BSNL is such a bullshit!!!! I should try with another network…smart will look cheap, shekhar..no he also has a BSNL and I cant go to other wing, I will feel uncomfortable, and also she may be taking her afternoon nap, she must be looking eternally beautiful while sleeping particularly on day time in the backdrop of sun I am looking at her gaped, astonished, amused…

6:00 pm, 14th feb, ohh shit, I was sleeping so late, its V-evening now, from last 3 yrs a had succumbed like that, I am such an asshole, no this tym I will not repeat that, I will tell her about my feeling no ifs nd buts, wait….what if she would reject, no…..no, her lips are wonderful they cant utter such harsh words!!! What if I will be in waiting, offcourse u will be in waiting, you owl, you have to try and try like anything,…what if she has a boyfriend!!!...holyshit, what a million dollar question it is, I had not even thought about it yet, my dream had never thought about it too….but my love is pious, for me love is worship, and it has got too much power man….she cant have a boyfriend, no possibility, no chance….yup I am dialing her no….dialing, dialing…its ringing…….its still ringing…..why she is not picking it up,…disconnected …let me dial again..redialing, what a beautiful concept this redialling is! Redial yr life, redial yr love, no..no love cant be redialled, even love cant be dialled…it happens….it can only be felt, sensed and worshipped!!...redialing..ya its ringing again…she had picked it up HELLO…oh what a sweet voice she had, distinguished, calm, how can i reply such a sweet voice with my rough and acrid one. HELLO! WHO’S THERE! Madam, I m calling from canara bank, do you have a look on our new credit card scheme, its bri…, NO! I DON’T NEED ANY CREDIT CARD, PLZZ DON’T WASTE MY TIME…madam just for a sec, this scheme is bri…disconnected..lliant!
that’s it, I am done! I cant talk to her!.....no mano , you have to call her again, for god sake u were waiting for this day for last 365*4 days……you cant be done, redial, just press the green button twice, ohhhh its redialling…ringing, “HEY Mr I TOLD U THAT I AM NOT INTERESTED IN ANY OF YOUR SCHEMES”, hey SNEHA, I am yr friend…we had studied together..a few odd years back..try to remember….put a lil stress on yr memory.. “WHO ARE YOU?”..just guess, simple and wild guess..
“OKK!! ASSIST ME TO GUESS YOU”….ofcourse…”FROM WHICH LETTER YOUR NAME STARTS WITH”
….m…..and “FROM WHICH LETTER IT ENDS WITH?” ….n… “HOW DO YOU LOOK”, ..thin, smart (exaggerating)….thin, tall (a bit)…thin…mmm…OK OK…. “DO YOU WEAR SPECS”….yes…”OH! HOW ARE YOU MOHAN!!!, IT HAS BEEN YEARS SINCE TALKING YOU”….shit she recognised me someone else, should I tell her my name, no its fortune, its destiny, its tym to say her goodbye!!!...bye sneha..bye…but how can I do this to me, no actually,….basically,….simply she did not even recognise me, I am not even in her memory(she must have a weak memory)……wait…just wait,… here is the silver lining….i did not use to wear specs when I studied in her class….then how on earth she could recognise me, should I call her again…no it will look awkward, a lot uncomfortable…better wait for 2011, and my KUNDALI also says that this yr is not gud for me…I hate 10,…nd 4 (2+0+1+1) is my lucky number too..i must wait for 14th feb 2011, and what’s new I would have get my no changed till then I will not take this BSNL again, its bullshit!!..no I will take BSNL..after all our thoughts have so much similarity…….but for now I need to eat badly..ohh my gosh!!!!! I have done a “V-day fast”….new concept na! western culture mixes with eastern one, “V-day+FAST”…what a thought!!...consolation…???

Emotional Quotient

“The problem with a rat race is that the winner of this race is always a rat”, the dialogue of the IIT-B movie deja-vu can make you to clap but it made me to write, after a long break(brake!).

Three incidents occurred simultaneously in this fortnight a person of Indian origin got the Nobel prize, David shepered died and I again started to use ”045 Reynolds fine carbure pen”.

Lets start with Deja-vu. The movie reflects the frustration of an IITian because he could not pass the exams, could not crack a job, and could not get a gal. Understandably it touches the sentiments of thousands of IITians (including me! Err…sorry not me, as I m not an IITian). The movie also tried to convey the message that the mind of an IITian dwells in the plastic region, only thing it needs is a little more stress and it can fate the ultimate break down called suicide by them and homicide by me. Two things are pretty clear from this movie:

i) IITians are incapable or incompetent to the level of stress imposed on them i.e IIT-JEE selection process is a crap.
ii) If not, the movie is based on the bastion of a particular guy and a publicity stunt
(as same as the novel FPS by chetan bhagat).
I am not giving the answer as I am a psuedo-iitian (phew!! New word-psuedo-iitian).


An Indian can declare noble physics prize winner ( I don’t remember his name..sorry) as arrogant because he had blocked all the emails sent to him by Indians. He further said,”leave me alone and let me work for science”. Again two things are clear:

i) Every NRI physics Nobel prize winner cant be C V RAMAN.
ii) We cant win a Nobel prize because the guys of our top most institutions IITs are frustrated (courtesy: movie deja –vu).
Here comes the emotional quotient! The almighty, truly rich, omni- magnimous Americans say EQ is inversely proportional to IQ….not agreed…here in INDIA both are at unprecedented low(don’t cry I m justifying myself with some examples):
i) NAXALITES : Their IQ is low(as always) but now they have transformed into ruthless contract killers (EQ has been negative)
ii) AMBANI BROTHERS: Their EQ was always low but now their IQ has also been belerantly blunt.
iii) BOLLYWOOD: what is yr rashee(/why are you watching).


Ok! Lets talk some business here. Americanisation of Indian economy, inconsistency in RBI policies, dipping desi SMEs, porous security issues, falling MIGs, colliding trains, postponing national games, blind disinvestments and frustrated IITians had pandemicised/ inculpated every Indian to race and race blindly, decimating our IQ and abdicating our EQ.

As only low IQ, dismal EQ rats are available in India no one can expect a cat race!! 3 cheers to rat race….?

FINAL Yr: SOCKS (SHOCKS) UP!!!!

I was late, either deliberately or casually, to register in ISM as a final yr student. At one side my heart was alarming me to an unprecedented, less predictable and discomforting 52-weeks while on the other the joyous beeping of being the seniormost (except MATKAS) was exciting me. Like always the negativity prevailed and I registered myself on the last date of scheduled registration.

Throughout the whole vacation I kept my one eye on the recovering world while my one ear on the fluctuating price of CRUDE OIL. I listened the Finance Budget for the first time in my life though I never understood even a single word except FISCAL DEPOSIT. Post Budget I was probably the single person congratulating the FM for spending 10 lakh crore on the earning of 6 lakh crore at a deficit of 6.8% of our GDP, sensex and industry responded negatively and I saw the imaginative FM singing a lullaby at the Parliament. But I derived one silver lining for me from these two budgets. I thought that if whole India heard, accepted and reacted the BANGLISH of Mukherjee & Banerjee combo then I see no reasons why the interviewers will not at least hear my HINGLISH (much better than BANGLISH) and this soothe my anxiety.

In this hurricari of emotions during my vacation, I decided to study for my placement. Somehow, I managed to study the first night and devoted myself to the first chapter of AMYX, but it gave my mom a spy on me, whether I got failed or something more problematic , on the day after I left my idea of preparation.

My future pivoted around the whole vacation that what should I do, I queried regarding CAT, UPSC, GRE and even GATE. Lastly I decided to toss my future head denoted for higher education . Tail came and my all problems were evaporated, now onwards, I have to smoke, drink and wait my future to happen. (Toss is a good idea if u r not certain what u have to do in future).

Finally, the day came when I have to step into the final yr world, on 11^th july 2009, train was late by 6 hrs but it didn’t spoil fever of finality. I took the rickshaw to enter in the premises of ISM, in which I am residing from almost 3 yrs, but this time I was feeling an anxiously unpleasant and sorrowfully disheartened. I was feeling that the T&P dept, admin block, main building and even upper ground were trying to say something, but either I was ignoring it or I was not so imaginative to respond. Though the roads of the student avenue were same but why I was feeling that if they were hampering my footsteps.

My chain of thoughts paused when rickshaw-man (better not to say rickshaw-puller) asked near EMERALD, “sir, is this your hostel?”, I blinked and pointed my finger ahead. I was feeling excited to see the advancements in “AMBER HOSTEL” but my eyes rolled over the board fastened affront of sport complex declaring that from now-onwards there will only be 5 hrs of a day in which it will remain open. I had a pity on the POLLY-GUYS, thinking from now-on where they will make their strategies and execute their plan-of-action, where they will drink and smoke the tensions post POLY and where they will observe the party to show their strength, but suddenly I found a better location, on the top PANI-TANKI , more secure, much airy and more statecraft. I found topaz hostel was gazing on me, I waved back and asked the man-on-the-front-seat-of-rickshaw to move on.

As I was still in my thought about the newly constructed and always closed squash court, I found myself on the DEHLI of SAPPHIRE HOSTEL. I interrogated the rickshaw-driver, “how the hell u knew that I am from this hostel”. He replied back instantly,” sir, as there is no hostel after this!!!”. I found whole ISM encircling around me, now I was feeling as if the T&P dept, main building, admin block and upper ground were saying, ”mano! Sock up for the surprises”.

Smoking : The elixir of lyf

This entire hullabaloo about smoking is so painful. The statutory warning on cigarette packets sets my heart afire. The frequency of inhalation increases to exhale the anger within. As if we smokers smoke merely for the sake of it. As if the world would been a better place if all of us stopped smoking once and for all. I exhort the smokers of the world to unite, as we have nothing to lose but our lungs. Only united can we ward off the prospects of a smokeless world. Only united can we plead our case, enlighten non-smokers and make them see the fire of service burning within us.

Has anyone wondered how our roads are made, our electricity lines put up, and our irrigation canals lay out? Its we, the unobtrusive social servants, who make this possible it’s we who choke our lungs with nicotine and provide revenue for the society to move. It’s we who knowingly and willingly die a slow death to make civilization live. While government across world are concerned about rising unemployment, we are the ones whose smoke sustains so many- tobacco cultivators, cigarette makers admen, dentists, cancer specialists….the number is legion.

I must concede, however, that we smokers have private ends to serve too. We inhale to fight pollution. Surprised!!! Well one needn’t be, for it is based on a simple medical philosophy. Aren’t we given weekend doses of viruses to make us immune to various diseases? The same belief governs us smokers. We inhale small amounts of tar, nicotine, carbon monoxide and what not to fight environmental pollution. Has anyone given a thought as to how our distaff staff sides have felt liberated had there been no smoke? Non-smokers seem to be patently anti-feminist. As the two genders smoke together, there mingling smoke rings signal the burning away of gender differences and their coming together. Enveloped in the smokescreens they have empowered to conquer the evil world. Peephole seeking a curb on smoking forget its importance in community life. The mere threat of losing the “hukka-pani” relationship has brought the mightiest to his knees. Non-smokers should become aware of our contribution to the world. Damned the definition of a cigar as a roll of tobacco with fire at one end and fool at the other. A generous fool should be more welcome than self centered wisdom…

An atlas of impossible longing...

Many a times we think, sometimes we dream and a very few times we do.I wish i would be d maverick of Robin Hood, or a ward of scotland yard.I wish i would be the killer of Raj Thakrey, or the Captain of Indian Football team to hold world cup,I wish i would marry Aishwarya or something more rude,more weird and more obstinate.
I in my short span of life of a mere 20yrs,had dreamt about 20 lacs or more thing,a very less time with my mind but most of time with my soul.I often get amused that the desires which we can't aspire in this life,why prevails on us.
Here,I am to share one of my such absurd but characteristic,metaphor but persistent dream which haunts me at thousand no of times in a day or even more
Only a few years back,I was in love with someone,i never need to add the adjective madly before love,as , i think love is itself a madness.She was as sweet as November's sun.As dusky as February evening and as lovely as post-eclipsed moon. I used to chat with her in my dream with all my ears open to sense any whisper from her. Any response of her used to add flavor in my expectations which lengthens as a bottomless hut or as endless as universe.
I never talked to her in real,it was not because i feared or something like that,it was because i was saturated with her presence in my dream. The only thing i felt that it was she,which was reposed in my self-inculcated shadow,which persists in the darkness too.
Finally, i decided to propose her but not in my dreamland but as per this materialistic world's expectation.As i never talked to her in person so i decided to propose her in the most wizard way in the universe.I mailed her:-
To,
The dream-girl,
dreamland,soul-city,United States Of Love
subject:-To propose you.
Dear Suvarna,
I am the student of 3rd yr B.TECH Petroleum Engg. ISMU,dhanbad.In response to your smile dated 24/12/2004 i fell in love with you.During this 4-yrs, i smiled a no. of times on your one smile.I beg to say that it is impossible for my dream to persist without your presence.Please,reply at the earnest,to get rid of my sweet-mares and oblige me.

The response came after one long-night of December.

To,
a dreamer,
somewhere,Fool's city,Idiotica.
subject:-response to your proposal.
Dear Mano,
Most humbly and respectfully I want to say you that it was s great privilege for me to come in your dream.A four years back I had smiled to yr face,yr dressing sense and yr out-questioned physique. I am extremely sorry at that smile.I assure you thet it will never happen when i will meet u again.

My way of proposing her was weird, i knoe but i had never wished it to be unfortunate,though my letter was funny but my love was pure.Sometimes funniness comingles with pureness but this time funniness has coincided with pureness.Remarking this dream as an "ace of all dreams"i continued to dream,continued to fall in love and continued propose.I am quite sure that once i will get a girl who can understand my dreams.
But still, i wished i had not proposed her in that way,i wish she had not given any response,i wish i could catch my "ace of all dreams" someday....as all others r d xerox copy of this original one.

(NOTE:-plzz dont comment as impossible itself says i m possible)

God is a BLACKBOARD

"Many many moons ago when God had sent Adam and Eve to rehabilitate the bluish planet,he had given them the blessings to paint the darkness with spark, to shade the sorrow with joy and to dampen the world with patience."In the shivering winter night my Grandpa was telling the story to all of our brothers and sisters,I was half slept and subconsciously affirmatizing in response.
Many a days later when I was in class VIII, on the threshold of early adolescence in which the days are used to pass in dreams where night are for programming the consequences of days excitation.As i was in a co-education ed hostel , we navodayans were the worst victims of this phase.
On one of the usual std VIII classes my consensus was in absent zone though my breathing body was proxying for me, my honorable hindi teacher had suddenly asked,"you!!!!thin boy with specs,stand up."Ohh! i remembered, i was thinking about her only, if she had used the black ribbon i would have added the glue in her silky hair......suddenly my thoughts were paused. "yes mam!!!"
she asked " well!! tell me that who had said,"कर्मण्येवधी कारस्ते माँ फलेषु कदाचना??? "
My mind which was still in mute replied through my tongue ,"BLACKBOARD"
"What???" the whole class was turned into laughter as i had changed my sex or something.The remembrance of wat happened in next few seconds still excites me.
okk SUHANI u tell,"Mam! Mano is right .This statement was given by lord krisna, who gives a spark to d dusky world with the white solid two and half inch chalk,the knowledge which enables the word to revive from the sorrow of bein succumbed,as we scratch the rectangular 2 and 1/2 feet "black mirror of life" but it tells d story to keep patience,preservence and persistence. Mam!!! GOD IS A BLACKBOARD".This simple and clear argument let the whole class hypnotized.
At the end of d class i could only say to her,"thank god!!! When grandpa was telling the story you were in my heart!!!"

loser's luck

"Mano you are a looser!!!" finally she said this with an expressionless tone and went.It sheared me from my within and haunted my egoistic attitude.I had heard that the truth is wizard,why so I had not even imagined,For the first time in my life,I was interviewed to my reality,my existence.
It was all well when i was qualified in IIT-JEE.Congratulation flooded,hope escalated,temptations reloaded and my desires twinkled.Stage was set and I came in the heaven ISMU.Scoring good GPAs and trumping approximately all,"relatively preset taboos".Then what went wrong????I still can't forget the day i talked to her on gtalk for the first time.The letters were reflecting her innocence,the words were chanting her smile and the sentences were witnessing her beauty.Small chats converted into long night-outs on cell phone.It was the crux on my happiness curve. Suddenly,my all dreams shattered and i was engulfed bu the weird but substantial truh.
It was the bright sunny day of October.Even nature had not decided whether to launch the winter season or to extend the scorching summer.I was relaxing with SIMPLE in Mysore,as usually bunking the classes.She asked,"what can you do for me"."Anything"I replied.Then "leave me".Suddenly i felt the all spirits laughing at me."What?"I uttered."yes mano!!neither you have a great body nor a fairer complexion,your sense of humor is sucking,your self-imposed style is out-dated,you were busy in chasing your dreams without including versatility in you,NOW DUE TO GLOBAL MELTDOWN YOUR PLACEMENT IS ABYSMAL,i did not find any clue to foster in this relationship,you are a foolish self-destructive damn looser!!!!"
I was locked in the bitterness of truth and my finger rolled on ma mobile typing"Yes,i am a looser,but it is you who is my loser's luck".